Snow Patrol, This Isn’t Everything You Are
I love this song because it’s lyrics hint at something I think we should all know. Your birth or your past do not dictate who you are or who you could be. There is always space for growth, you always have the power to carve you’re destiny. When life tries to crush you; endure, grow stronger and when you are ready, fight back.
Life is such a wondrous thing. I know many of you disagree. Some of you have experienced pain and hardship that I cannot even begin to comprehend. But I just want you to know, that it does get better. Everything gets better, you just have to endure.
Some of you may look at me and think, I haven’t suffered much. That is entirely true, I’ve had a very privileged life. But I’ve still suffered pain, I’ve lost loved ones, I’ve had my heart torn asunder by those that don’t care and I’ve felt the bitter cut of persecution, ignorance and discrimination. I’ve suffered more than some, but less than most. The important thing however is this, I’m still standing. That which did not kill me, made me so much stronger.
I didn’t experience huge amounts of hardships, but what I did, has made me who I am. Those challenges strengthened my resolve. The teasing quickened my wit and gifted me with a silver tongue. The heartache taught me to cherish love and the sorrow taught me how to empathize.
I didn’t experience much, yet I have grown ten fold. I would not undo any of my past hurts, I do not regret their lessons. So just imagine what you’re pain could do for you. Will you let it consume you in self loathing. Or will you turn it into your own strength.
Why did I write this post? I see so much pain on tumblr, people are really hurting and I just want you all to know. Life will get better. You have so much potential, so don’t give up. When a caterpillar wraps itself in a cocoon it takes weeks of struggling for it to break back out. This struggling is what gives the caterpillar’s body the strength it needs to live and to fly. Without the struggle, the caterpillar’s body is too bloated to be supported by it’s wings.
Like the caterpillar you too must struggle from your cocoon. But when you do, you’re going to have wings, glorious wings and you are going to fly! Life get’s better.
So have faith, endure and then one day, fly!
"Homosexuality is a sin. Homosexuals are doomed to spend eternity in hell. If they wanted to change, they could be healed of their evil ways. If they would turn away from temptation, they could be normal again if only they would try and try harder if it doesn’t work. These are all the things I said to my son Bobby when I found out he was gay. When he told me he was homosexual my world fell apart. I did everything I could to cure him of his sickness. Eight months ago my son jumped off a bridge and killed himself. I deeply regret my lack of knowledge about gay and lesbian people. I see that everything I was taught and told was bigotry and de-humanizing slander. If I had investigated beyond what I was told, if I had just listened to my son when he poured his heart out to me I would not be standing here today with you filled with regret. I believe that God was pleased with Bobby’s kind and loving spirit. In God’s eyes kindness and love are what it’s all about. I didn’t know that each time I echoed eternal damnation for gay people each time I referred to Bobby as sick and perverted and a danger to our children. His self esteem and sense of worth were being destroyed. And finally his spirit broke beyond repair. It was not God’s will that Bobby climbed over the side of a freeway overpass and jumped directly into the path of an eighteen-wheel truck which killed him instantly. Bobby’s death was the direct result of his parent’s ignorance and fear of the word gay. He wanted to be a writer. His hopes and dreams should not have been taken from him but they were. There are children, like Bobby, sitting in your congregations. Unknown to you they will be listening as you echo “amen” and that will soon silence their prayers. Their prayers to God for understanding and acceptance and for your love but your hatred and fear and ignorance of the word gay, will silence those prayers. So, before you echo “amen” in your home and place of worship. Think. Think and remember a child is listening."
Just a piece of fiction
“Elly, why am I here?” He asked.
She made no response, no movement whatsoever. He couldn’t quite make out where they were. Some apartment, long abandoned judging by the shattered remnants of once ornate pieces of furniture. Or perhaps this damage was her doing. The only light in the room was a lone lunar ray peeking in between ragged remains of purple drapes. It seemed to illuminate her face, no, more than that, it made her face sparkle. Why was her face sparkling? He tried to get out of his seat. The bindings on his wrists and ankles cut into his skin. He yelped in surprise more than pain. The yelp brought her back to reality.
“Why did you leave me?”
“Is that what this is about?” He asked calmly.
She took a step forward, “What else would it be fucking about?”
Had he been paying attention he would have realized why her face had appeared to sparkle moments before. Her features were drowned in her own tears. But he did not notice these things for he was now staring at her right hand, or more precisely the gun held within it.
She took another step forward and pressed the pistol right against his forehead. He gulped loudly. He could feel his clothes begin to soak with perspiration.
“Wh-wh-why did you…did you leave me?” She was crying now. Her words, a mess of fury and sorrow.
“I had to go, I loved you.”
She smacked him across the face with the gun.
“LIAR!” She shrieked, no tears now, just rage. “You were bored, wanted to find a floozy for some fun!”
“No, what, never. They had found me, I had to go.”
Silence descended in the room as she pondered his words. Finally she spoke, “Why didn’t you leave a note.”
“Yes a note, some fucking words! You know so I didn’t think you were dead!”
“I didn’t think…”
“No you didn’t.” She was crying again. ” I mourned for you, do you know that. I thought you were dead. That was… that was awful. But then to find you with her, that, that is not fair. Why a family with HER? I-I-I just I can’t, no I can’t.”
“Elly, I’m sorry”
Those words seemed to compose her thoughts slightly. She strolled towards him. Tears still streaming from her eyes. She held the gun to his head. “Not as sorry as you’re about to be”
She would have done it, she knew it and so did he, were it not for a knock on the door. The sound startled Elly, she half jumped half fell backwards.
“POLICE, OPEN UP!” Someone shouted from the door.
“Of course, she did this for you.” Elly muttered.
“What?” He asked.
“The bitch you chose, the one that loves you like I did. She’s worried for your safety, she must have sent for them.”
“SHUTUP!” She sighed as the banging grew louder. “I’m not going to kill you.”
The bound man almost smiled, but he quickly smothered such facial movements in case it would set her off.
“I’m not killing you because that’s too easy, it doesn’t punish you. But I can’t go on, not like this, not anymore.”
She brought the gun level with her own head.
“ELLY WAIT, STOP!”
She was crying now, sobbing between each and every word. “You used to love me… I’m…I’m sure of it. Whenever happiness creeps up on you, I want you to remember this, look at me, remember my face right now. And if you wonder what caused this, I…I want you to know that…that this was, all… your… fault!”
She pulled the trigger.