I want…

That which I crave, I can never seem to have. That which claims me, is utterly destroyed. It’s a vicious cycle full of hate and self loathing. A part of me, a very small part, speaks of desire, and want, and craving. But I try desperately hard to smother it’s cries. For that which I want, only fits in my mind, but in reality, would never last. I am incomplete, yet, I try desperately hard to pretend otherwise. A shining facade hides a weeping tragedy. The voice is eager, but the mind knows how pointless it’s endeavors would be. Still, all the same…

I want…

Dad dragged me to the bog today. Oh how I loathe the bog. My feet are now covered in blisters and cuts, my arms are numb and my back is aching.

I also got to endure Dad’s ‘teaching moments’ which ranged from, “you’re not doing it right,” to “you’ve a fierce dopey face on you.”

I then got to be insulted several times by Dad which culminated in him accusing me of being on drugs. 

All this and yet still they wonder why I seek to spend my weekends away from home.

I’m Roger

Apparently, according to a few of my friends, I both act and sound like Roger. But the emphasis is on act. I embody the eccentric little alien. I’m not fully sure whether to be offended or proud, though I am leaning towards proud.

People tell me I’ve changed this year. People who’ve only met me this year refer to me as loud, outspoken, funny. I’m a little proud of this. People used to think of me as shy, quiet, sheepish. Some people dislike the change, I think they just dislike that they can’t push me around anymore. I think they just dislike that I’ve finally found my voice…and it’s a loud one.

Influence

I find it hard to think of the people that have influenced me most in life. I cannot specifically think of traits of my own that I have adopted from others, well for the most part I can’t. I prefer to think of myself as a walking collage. The individual that I am is made up of all the people I have ever met thus far and all our interactions. I’m a walking representation of the aspects of humanity that I have encountered, blended to create me.

100 subs

So I just reached 100 subscribers on youtube. This feels like such a milestone. I started out my videos because someone on tumblr wanted to hear my voice. I kept going because I loved the creativity it offered and now 100 people have decided that they like watching what I offer. If any of you reading this are subscribed to me, thank you so very much. I am truly greatful. It’s such a strange sensation, I feel proud and also happy. Happy that you guys not only accept me, but you also enjoy the uniqueness that makes up me. Thank you, so very much.

Thank You!