Shadow of my Mind
Another shade of me lies in a complete opposite place to the party loving, colourful one, I wrote of earlier. This aspect of me exists in silence and shadows. When I allow myself to separate from the world and think, he comes into being. Only in solitary can he take hold, only when sound dies does he dare show his face. This shade of me is the thinker. This is the aspect that I would rather suppress and hide. He questions life, he get’s upset and most importantly he is boring. He also never smiles. He is not a social creature.
This shade of me is what exists when the optimism runs out. He sits in the shadows and stares shyly out at the light. He has no confidence in himself. He is riddled with insecurities.
I need him, as some aspect of my time must be given over to self-evaluation. But I do not enjoy his seriousness. I dislike the fact that he wont smile. I hate that all he cares for is the shadows he has left himself sitting in.
There is something about Ellie Goulding’s songs that soothe me so much, I can’t explain it. I bought her new album when times were dark, and the music reminds me of the bad times. But it’s strange, it doesn’t bring me down by reminding me of them, it makes me feel better. I guess you could call it a musical dream catcher. All the negativity is caught up in the music, I can see it, but it does not touch me. So thank you for that Ellie, be it simply chance, or the power of the songs I do not know, but I’m thankful nonetheless.
Why can’t we speak another language, one we all agree on, why when men look outside they see houses instead of the fields they grew from…
I Am Alive
I ran through a sun shower
And felt the world slip by
Mountains of air, veils of earth
An individual, all alone
Living in the moment
I felt the droplets on my face,
Visualised the sun, and I knew that this, this was
"You look at me and see light, you think it’s there deep inside, but you’re wrong. What was once, is gone. The boy I was, gone. You said I was good, but I wasn’t… I was great."
We all have darkness within us.
The taint within me swells and bellows.
I have become cruel and harsh, everything I hate!
But this facade only needs to last a little longer.
The Light is returning!