I was just browsing through my photo-booth and I realised I had some really great photo’s of the last year.
There are a few that I am fiercely protective of. For most, the reasons are obvious. But for one, it makes no sense. Yet I know, were the flames to close in, I’d walk through the fire and suffer the burns, just to pull him away from the raging inferno. To a certain extent, I already have.
There are a few people that have secured my loyalty, but they had to work so hard to get it. Why does he get a free pass? Why have I burned myself just so he is kept safe? Why do I wish to protect him? When in reality, I should want the opposite.
There are a few that I am fiercely protective of. I wonder do they know it? Do they know that I admire and care for them so much, that all I want is them to be happy, and that I would do anything they asked, to help them achieve such a thing. I hope they do.
I miss my old chemistry class. It was a good group and a great subject. I miss the girl I used to sit beside. She was so quiet and timid, but so kind and funny too. She may not have spoken to many others but she’d always talk to me. I miss chemistry class and I miss her. But things change and people grow apart.
….I blew a lot of stuff up in that classroom.
The Band Name Game
You Have Friends
I just want to cry. It’s so unfair that I have to leave behind such wonderful people. There have been tears in my eyes all day but I held them back. It’s only hitting me now, how much everything is going to change. I’ve met some of the best people I’ve ever known this year, and I just have to say goodbye. Just like that, gone. Sure you can keep in contact, but it wont be the same. The goodbyes are the worst though, you get a second, and you want to say how important people are to you but you can’t because that’s weird in our stupid society, so instead there’s a hug and that’s it. An entire years worth of memories disrespected due to an inability to form words. I just wish we didn’t have to go home. I’m going to miss everyone so much.
My parent’s wont understand why I’m crying either. They wont realize why I’m upset. I’ll get no sympathy from them. As soon as I get home, all that will be said is “Get a job”, and that will be it. Whatever emotional maturity I’ve built up over this year will be eroded over the three months we call summer.
The Last Birthday Post
The aftermath of a confetti and glitter cannon.
So, my nineteenth is over, it’s done. This shall be my last post about it! But I just thought I’d tell you how it ended up. I had kind of resigned myself to a quiet day and as such, I really expected nothing. I think that’s what made it even more special when my friends showed up with cake and sweets and cards and presents. And because I know the three women involved tend to take a gander at my tumblr from time to time, thank you guys so much. I don’t think you have any idea how much it means to me, to have such a great birthday so far from home.
The best gifts I got were a confetti cannon (which detonated with a scary amount of force just above my head), a flaming lantern and a comic book birthday card.
Apparently my alter ego is glitter man, who knew? I really love this comic book so much, it recounts my first year of college as the super hero “Glitter Man”. It’s brilliant, it’s so thoughtful.
I finished up my night by launching a fire lantern into the sky. It was a good way to end it all, watching the blazing fire burning through the night.
When someone hurts you again and again, consistently, you remove them from your life right? Yeah, of course. Well that’s what I did. I used to just argue with him so much. I used to make him cry, he’d make me cry too. There were good times as well, but I don’t remember them, all I remember is the pain this boy left in my life. I pined for him, for so long, and he chose another over me, so then I moved on. He came after me and I did not return his affections, which angered him, then broke him. From then on, it just became a cycle of who could hurt the other most, and then smile claiming to still be the best of friends. But what I remember most is that he was the first boy to break my naive heart.
Yet now you want back into my life. You apologize for your words that angered me so much I cut you right out of everything. You clawed your way back into contact. What’s the right thing to do? To forgive and forget? I just don’t know anymore, part of me wants to forgive you. But the other half is determined not to be weak ever again. You had massive power over me. I’m free of that now. Do I really want to even utter a single word to you again? You were my friend. The word friend doesn’t seem to suit. What were you to me? Rival?
You made me cry exactly fourteen months ago, and I will never forgive you for that. I will not change back to the weak dependent boy you could push around. I am not yours anymore!
I think, all I really want out of life, is to just know I’ve made people happy. I want to know that I’ve done the best for them. That’s what I strive for, at the moment, that’s why I hurt sometimes. This is because wanting the best for someone means putting your carnal desires and desires for revenge behind.
I would be happy if the world smiled. I would be happier if I helped cause it.
Some of the cooler photos from the amazingness of last night. Haven’t had that much fun in a long time.