I often wonder…

I often wonder, when people see me what do they think. I am not paranoid, nor will I live for the opinions of others. But still, I find myself wondering.

What do my parents see when they look at me? When I talk to friends, what do they hear in my words? When I console someone in need, what do they see in my eyes. If I scream and shout at someone when they try to insult me, is it annoyance or admiration they feel? As strangers catch site of me, do they see a reckless youth or something else? When I talk to someone over the internet, do they believe my words or write them off as senseless flattery? 

At night before I sleep this is what constantly plays through my head. What were they thinking? Why was that said? How did they feel?

In the end I’ll never know. But even if I did, it wouldn’t change anything. I am me, I have my own morals, ideals and beliefs. Nothing will ever change that. I will not allow anything or anyone to change me.

If you could have any super power, what one would you pick and why?

School Today

I was walking down the hallway, as one does in school, heading onto my next class. Ahead of me I saw a guy in my class who I would have considered a friend. I called his name. He looked back smiling, saw me, the smile turns to a frown, than a look of disgust. He turns away and walks on.

Several months ago, that would have crushed me.

But not now…My strength is back!

The Battle

The warrior surveyed the carnage around him. A ruin of a battlefield. Blood spattered grasses, bodies of the fallen, friend and foe alike. A building had once stood here. That building too had once stood for something. But the warrior couldn’t see its walls now. All he could see was a flaming battleground beneath a sky of billowing smoke. His enemies in the distance, like cats licking their wounds.

He hadn’t always been a warrior. Once he was something else, but that memory was… gone, faded in the shadows. Now all he knows is a sword and the cowl he wears. A stone mask of fury and hate. Unrelenting, or so he thought. Recent battles have become more vicious, the cuts strike deeper, the stone of fury is being eroded. His enemies can see his eyes. They know his soul, they see his fear and weakness. It gives them new strength. For in their eyes he must be punished. 

The warrior once commanded a legion of his own. Both friends and allies. But some moved on to pastors new, they decided it was their time to move on, to leave the battlefield behind as all must eventually. But then tragedy struck, the warrior felt a blade slip into his own back. A betrayal! Moral quickly slipped, and those that had once been close allies followed the vile traitor and became the enemy.

Why is the warrior being punished? He does not know. Perhaps a sin, karma or a past mistake on his part?

Each day the battle grows fiercer. The warrior and those that remain by his side fight as they always have, but they are losing, they know it. No matter how many his blade culls, they do not stop in their march. There numbers continue to swell, their voices a screaming torment. Every day another of his allies falls or defects. The warrior would have fallen long ago if not for the intervention of angels. But there is only so much they can do. They contact him through screens, heal him of his wounds and shield him from trauma. But they live too far away, their hands are tied, their is only so much they can do.

So now as always the warrior readies his sword, as do his few remaining allies. He wants to give up. He wants them to break him. But angels whisper in his thoughts and he refuses to. This battle began long before his time and it will remain long after he has passed. But the warrior is strengthened by the angels. He will not submit. He will see it through for the remaining ninety nine nights.

Rumors on the wind suggest peace may be coming. The warrior is wary of such trickery. But if peace is possible, it must be obtained.

Anonymous asked: Does beauty make you stronger?

No if anything beauty makes you weaker. The one guarantee about beauty and looks is that they fade. Having beauty early on in life causes some people to develop bad habits and a weak will. Thus when they grow older and their looks fade they are left with nothing while their counterparts have developed sharp minds and wills of steel.

But one thing I should say is beauty is in the eye of the beholder, don’t forget that!